Wednesday, March 09, 2005

When in Texas...

When in Texas, do what the Texans do... and I did. I got a gun.

Why? You asked.... Well, it is for my own safety. It is dangerous out here. After hearing these stories from the two fellow bikers that I had met so far(Thomas in New Orleans and Dan in Austin), I decided I needed some extra protection. It's one thing to hear about the near misses, it is another when someone had the scars to show you. Having some bad experiences with these sort of things myself, I thought it best I get some protection.

So, I went shopping. Unfortunately, money is a little tight, so the regulation gun shop is out of the question. I did what every common man would do in these part of the woods when you are low in cash, and needed a gun. I went to the Dollar General.

I found this nice one in the rack, it's small enough to put it in your jersey pocket, light enough to carry around on a month long trip on a bicycle, it looked like it has a fairly decent range, and god darn it, it was cheap. "Two for a Dollar", the sticker said.

So, happily.... I took my neon color water pistol to the check out line.

Looking at me oddly, the teenage girl asked.

I explained to her with a little bit of humor, about my difficulty of getting a reasonably cheap pepper spay at the gun shops, and how I needed this to ward of those dogs with some of my own home brew concoction.

"You are going to do what?!" she tensed up suddenly. "That's not really nice!!", She hold on to my pistol.

I was a little annoyed, and tried to explain again my need to keep those rabies infested dogs from tearing away my calf muscles, and how I don't want another set scar on my other leg.

"You going to hurt them!"

I was very annoyed by now...

"Well, geez.... I suppose if you see me some rabies infested dogs chasing me, you'll be rooting for the dogs... Go get him! boy."

"No,...: Reluctantly, she said " But those dogs don't really mean to hurt anyone, they are just being dogs."

Now, I am now just pissed.

"Look lady,I don't care if that's someone else's dog, my own cat, or Pamela Anderson on a mating frenzy, if they are coming at me with foam in their mouth, I am going to shoot!"

The middle aged lady behind me let out a little giggle, and gave me a much needed sympathetic smile. The clerk on the next isle, looked up and laughed.

With all the commotion, the girl relented, and gave me one of those store trained smiles, and let me have my pistol.

Having just being thought no better than a stray dog, I took my pistol and went angrily next door to the taqueria and ordered a few tacos, and made liberal used of their hot sauces. The two waitresses looked on with great interested and was no doubt puzzled. I wanted to go over there and explain why I was pouring hot sauces into a neon color pistol, but what difference would that make...


At 2:18 PM, Blogger 54 said...

The rest of the day went by with little incident, the few dogs that got exited and gave chase were all well fenced and tied down, but I had my gun ready, because all it takes was a hole in the fence, or some loose knot.

One day after, I came by a sign in the Hill ountry... "Rabies Vaccination, March 15th". So don't tell me that rabies' rare here.

Two days after, one dog gave chased, but busy traffic and the owners' frantic calls, stopped that SOB.

At 4:35 AM, Blogger Thomas said...

Good plan with the pistol! I got the tip from a woman who runs the ice cream vans in the desert in S. California where everyone takes their dune buggies (the Algodones Dunes near Glamis on Highway 78). So if you are passing through there you can thank her. I thought about doing the water pistol thing, but from my experience with cheap water pistols I find that they always leak, and I didn't fancy chilli sauce all over my clothes! I hope you don't end up with a repeat of the poison ivy experience! Happy hunting!

At 10:26 AM, Anonymous MDS said...

Fantastic idea, athough I hope you don't have to put squirt gun to the test. There are definitely dogs mean enough out there to slurp down the hot sauce and lick their lips before chomping on a biker's heel.

With the gun, now all you need is a cowboy hat to put over your helmet and you'll be a real texan, y'all!


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